Bad Man Tried to Have Sex With ATM

This may be the holy grail of weird sex crime stories: Police on Friday arrested a Murfreesboro, Tenn., man who was allegedly trying to have intercourse with a bar's ATM around 9:30pm, 49-year old Lonnie Jackson Hutton "pulled down his pants and underwear exposing his genitals" and then attempted to have his way with the Boro Bar and Grill's cash machine. He "then began to walk ‘nude’ around the bar thrusting his hips in the air.” Police were called, and Hutton was told to wait on an outdoor picnic table until the authorities showed up. Then things allegedly got weirder. Hutton then "again exposed himself and engaged in sexual intercourse with the wooden picnic table." He was, somehow, only changed with public intoxication, having been observed unsteady and with slurred speech. Hutton had bond set at $250 and has a July 1 court appearance scheduled; he remained behind bars as of yesterday.